Senior Year

r-HIGH-SCHOOL-COLLEGE-COSTS-large570Being a senior, it’s often hard to think of the last time something was not beginning. A new test, a college application, a new email, etc. But I have recently been trying to teach myself that beginnings are not always troublesome; they happen for a reason. I was recently accepted to the college of my choice. I was attempting to create a password for my new account with them. I had so much trouble with it that I had to call the help desk. I was so entirely frustrated and ready to give up, but the girl on the other line was kind enough to set my password for me. It was a two minute phone call. So, you are asking why I am telling you this? Because it took me that long to figure out how lucky I am to be able to go to college. There I was, sitting on my nice couch, in my warm home, complaining to no end about something out of my control. I had to stop and think about my life this year. Have you ever counted how many times a day you complain about anything at all? For me, the number would be astronomical. I have decided to do more with my days as a senior than complain constantly about trivial things. I will complain about math tests for sure (that cannot be avoided), but I will try to focus on all of the beginnings that my senior year has brought to me. I can’t wait to graduate and start the next part of my education, but for now, I want to take each day as it comes. I want to focus on the opportunities that I receive and I want to learn to be more thankful for what I learn from this year.

-Sarah Buckman, Editor-in-Chief 

New Beginnings

IMG_0891This year, being a senior the phrase “New Beginnings” brings a certain series of images to my mind. That is, moving boxes and masking tape, college acceptance letters, graduation, moving out, and moving on. All the talk of universities, plans for apartments, and big cities makes me break out in hives internally and makes me think a little less of myself because I don’t know if I want any of that.

While I see all of my friends buying cute towels for their dorms and anxiously going to the mailbox every day I always ask myself if I am doing the right thing. Is it ok that I don’t have a desire to move away? Or go to a university just nearly four months after I’ve graduated? Is it normal that I am very much content living at home and going to community college for the first two years? I ask myself these questions almost once a day and sometimes those questions feel like they eat me alive. And when anyone asks me where I am going to school next year is it ok that I’m almost ashamed to say? These questions are ones that I only know the answer to. And there is no right or wrong ones. And I have learned that over the last few weeks.

I have learned not to compare myself to others as much even though it’s a true struggle. I have learned that everyone has different goals and different plans. And most importantly, I have learned that my choices cannot be made just to live up to the standards of others. So instead I have decided to hustle hard, think good thoughts, and be a goal digger.

And as my friends may sit in a campus library across the country, I can only hope that I won’t regret the decisions I have made.

-Madison George, Social Media Editor

Beginnings Aren’t Definitive.

imagesBeginnings are weird. They stare at you, straight in the eyes and say, “Yeah, I’m here,” and they either excite or frighten you. Recently I have been staring at a big beginning in my life: starting college. This beginning does not only mark the beginning of adulthood for me but also the end of high school, the place I have found myself as an artist. Beginnings are scary in that way. They are the start of something but the ending of another. I think that’s why I have such an odd feeling when I think about starting college. It’s beautifully bittersweet.

But every story has a beginning. Looking back on my writing, beginnings were never hard for me to write. If anything, the ending was hard. From the first day of freshman year I knew how to hook a reader with a quote or an interesting fact. I knew how to grab their attention with a character or scenario. I’m good at beginnings. Yet when I look at my future, I think of everything that is about to begin and I just turn into a big ball of anxiety. I can write the beginning of a poem or an article but I can’t write my own life.
It’s so frightening when you think about it, because in your life you have control over a certain amount of things but at the end of the day you are not the one in charge, you are at the mercy of the world around you. Recently I’ve started to think of my beginnings this way. When I sit down to write something I don’t want to follow that formula I’ve had for years. Frankly, that formula is boring and I only use it for English class.

Beginnings shouldn’t be generic, they should be interesting. In real life, beginnings happen all the time. High school doesn’t really happen until you meet the people that will shape your experience there for the next four years. The truth is, when I start college there will be a multitude of endings and a multitude of beginnings and I won’t even realize half of them are happening. So why should I write like I know when these things are happening?

Beginnings aren’t definitive. You can start something but it doesn’t begin there. There’s always something arbitrary in beginnings. So the best advice I can give you is to start writing from where the story really starts. The beginning is never simple. Let it be complex.

-Grace Green, Poetry Editor